OK here I go! Time to resume blogging again! I know I’ve started this several times before, but this time, I’m gonna try to stick with it! Writing each day about my experiences, my thoughts and especially my feelings sure helped me survive the first year without Kenny. Believe it or not, even though it’s approaching three years since he died…I still don’t have my act together! Clearly! Well actually, I probably have my ACT together, but that’s just the problem…it’s all an act!! It’s not the REAL me. I’m sure at this point some people are saying, “Time to get over it Lucy, put it behind you!” But that’s much easier said than done! Really!! So…I figure what helped me before…blogging…may just be the ticket to getting me through this new phase. At least I’m SURE hoping so...So, what have I been up to since my last update? Well, for a while I lived with my sister Lisa in Leesburg, VA. That was a huge help as my temporary housing allowance came to an end in June of last year and my house down south had still not sold. Paying for a house out of state, including utilities to keep it running, made buying a place here out of the question. So, thankfully my sister and family took me in until I could get things sorted out. I had a great time with them in Leesburg and they helped me get through one more phase of this transition to my new life. Thank goodness for my family!!
In December I moved to Maryland and I’m renting a basement apartment from my friend Margie; she's Priscilla’s Cousin and Mike and Rosa's daughter. That’s been another great step for me because it puts me back in my old stomping ground, near an abundance of friends and family, including Kyle and Jess and Ken’s Mom. It’s also reduced my commute to work by at least 30 minutes. Thank God! And it gives me more space of my own and a chance to try out townhouse living with an eye on the future. So far, it appears to be a great housing solution for this stage of my life.
And I LOVE my new roommate! Margie and I are so much alike, it’s a bit scary! Really…how can there be two of us? She’s even a LEO too! Her birthday is a few days after mine, except, well let’s just say she’s a “few” years younger!!! LOL! At any rate, it’s a great partnership, Marge and Me! She keeps me young, makes me exercise and keeps me laughing…incessantly!!! We even ride to work together. What joy!
OK and I’ve dabbled at dating again. I’d like to say it's going well…but truly it’s simply NOT!! I suppose I take it all too seriously. I’m working on getting my head adjusted to being able to just enjoy the “here and now” rather than trying to find a partner for the rest of my life. I know I’ve been setting myself up for failure because I’m looking for the same standard of “attentiveness” I got from Kenny. He set the bar real high there. In fact at the end of our time together, I would say it was more like adoration. He simply adored me and it was very sweet to be loved that much by someone. People continue to tell me I was very lucky in that regard…
But, I’ve given it some serious, contemplative thought and realize our marriage didn’t start out that way. Ken's adoration for me evolved over years of working things out, supporting each other, raising our kids together…going through the challenges together, especially the eighteen years of his disability and terminal illness. So, I know I will have to adjust my expectations there. Things just don’t happen over night! I’m keeping that in mind from now on...
Now for the GOOD NEWS!!! My house has finally sold! Yes, that’s right!!! I will be going to settlement soon and will finally get this “monkey off my back!” Honestly, it’s a bit stressful right now. This next week I’m facing is gonna be a tough one. The melancholy is beginning to surround me; I can feel it creeping in. I am sure that walking out of our last home together will signify closing a chapter of my life. Man…it’s gonna be hard…very hard indeed…
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