Normally I try to focus on positive things, try to see the glass half-full rather than empty...but the bottom line is...it's tough being a widow! And it's still amazing to me that most people see my challenge as "over," when it's clearly NOT!
My friend Teresa gave me a great book, The Year of Magical Thinking. I took it with me this weekend and read it every chance I got. The author, Joan Dideon, is also a widow and she talks about what she experienced in her first year without her husband. Thankfully I am able to see myself in her story. And once again, it tells me I am normal. At the same time, I have also been reading: Being a Widow, by Lynn Caine. Yeah, I'm probably a bit ADD...so it's hard for me to limit myself to just one book at a time. In fact, I would say I practice reading "around" a book rather than just reading it like most people. At any rate, both books help me feel alive, help me feel normal. Here are a few lines from the second one that struck me.
The wounds of widowhood are not so easily seen with the eyes because the process of grief is experenced beneath the skin, within the heart, and somewhere deep in the soul. But, believe me, the pain of grief is severe.
...I was outwardly a pillar of strength, capable and stong. I went to my job each day and did what was expected of me. I returned home each evening and fell apart.
These lines touched me because many people have told me I am "doing so well." And it makes me want to scream!! Doing so well why? Because on the surface I push myself through my grief? Try to continue to get through my workday without breaking down? Because I've decided to start dating already?
Is that what they mean by doing so well? It just shows how little anyone knows about what it's really like. And frankly, there's little comfort in hearing that I'm doing well. For me it feels like a form of judgement that says little of my love for Kenny. So I don't care to hear it. For in reality I am NOT doing so well...I am just living. The best I know how...I am just living...and trying to see the glass half-full rather than empty.
My friend Teresa gave me a great book, The Year of Magical Thinking. I took it with me this weekend and read it every chance I got. The author, Joan Dideon, is also a widow and she talks about what she experienced in her first year without her husband. Thankfully I am able to see myself in her story. And once again, it tells me I am normal. At the same time, I have also been reading: Being a Widow, by Lynn Caine. Yeah, I'm probably a bit ADD...so it's hard for me to limit myself to just one book at a time. In fact, I would say I practice reading "around" a book rather than just reading it like most people. At any rate, both books help me feel alive, help me feel normal. Here are a few lines from the second one that struck me.
The wounds of widowhood are not so easily seen with the eyes because the process of grief is experenced beneath the skin, within the heart, and somewhere deep in the soul. But, believe me, the pain of grief is severe.
...I was outwardly a pillar of strength, capable and stong. I went to my job each day and did what was expected of me. I returned home each evening and fell apart.
These lines touched me because many people have told me I am "doing so well." And it makes me want to scream!! Doing so well why? Because on the surface I push myself through my grief? Try to continue to get through my workday without breaking down? Because I've decided to start dating already?
Is that what they mean by doing so well? It just shows how little anyone knows about what it's really like. And frankly, there's little comfort in hearing that I'm doing well. For me it feels like a form of judgement that says little of my love for Kenny. So I don't care to hear it. For in reality I am NOT doing so well...I am just living. The best I know how...I am just living...and trying to see the glass half-full rather than empty.
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