I met a colleague this week in Seattle. I was surprised to hear she is a widow too. And even though she has been remarried nine years, she choked up when she told me her story. Her husband died of cancer when he was just in his early 30's. "We have two sons. They were five and seven when their father died," she said. And that's when she started to cry. Even though she is now remarried, turning back the clock to remember...and revisiting the experience...is still painful.
"My boys are grown up now, but they were so young when he died, they barely remember their father," she told me. That's when I started to cry too. My tears were for her and her children. How very, very sad. It's what I had always feared, that I would lose Kenny while the boys were still little. And now, after feeling the pain of living without him, I've often thought of widows like this dear woman...who have been left behind with little ones still at home. "I know how hard this grieving has been for me," I told her, "I can't imagine what it was like for you trying to raise your boys...while having to cope with this grief."
I know I am lucky that my sons were able to grow up before their father died. They really got to know him; they formed a great bond with their Dad. They will always remember Kenny and will have stories to tell their children.
As this new friend and I sat there in the hotel lounge sharing our memories, I was struck by the knowledge that regardless of how much time passes, no matter how well a person rebuilds their life after loss...the pain is always there. So perhaps the tears were for me as well... Yes, she and I...the two of us, had been casually chatting in that hotel lounge just minutes before. Without a care in the world... Laughing and joking and clicking our drinks...when suddenly...in the beating of two tender hearts...our happiness faded into sorrow.
"My boys are grown up now, but they were so young when he died, they barely remember their father," she told me. That's when I started to cry too. My tears were for her and her children. How very, very sad. It's what I had always feared, that I would lose Kenny while the boys were still little. And now, after feeling the pain of living without him, I've often thought of widows like this dear woman...who have been left behind with little ones still at home. "I know how hard this grieving has been for me," I told her, "I can't imagine what it was like for you trying to raise your boys...while having to cope with this grief."
I know I am lucky that my sons were able to grow up before their father died. They really got to know him; they formed a great bond with their Dad. They will always remember Kenny and will have stories to tell their children.
As this new friend and I sat there in the hotel lounge sharing our memories, I was struck by the knowledge that regardless of how much time passes, no matter how well a person rebuilds their life after loss...the pain is always there. So perhaps the tears were for me as well... Yes, she and I...the two of us, had been casually chatting in that hotel lounge just minutes before. Without a care in the world... Laughing and joking and clicking our drinks...when suddenly...in the beating of two tender hearts...our happiness faded into sorrow.
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