I know...

Most of you looking from the outside in, probably think I have the world by the tail! After all, in August I did spend ten days with my kids in Santa Monica and I just got home from a seven day Paris vacation. What could possibly bring more happiness?

I know.

It should.

So I can’t explain why I’m in such a rut! Perhaps it’s the reality of missing my father. He’s been gone a few months now and it is hitting me over the head. Or perhaps I’ve been so busy moving and getting settled for the last three years that I haven’t had time to deal with the loss of Kenny.

Good grief, Lucy, it’s been three years. Time to move on!!

I know.

I'm trying. 

In fact, I’ve worked very hard to move on from this grief. I’ve even given the dating game a run of it again. But as usual it’s been a total disappointment. Really? It shouldn't be so difficult to meet a nice, adventurous, compatible, single man. But, it is! Compatible is the elusive part. So, perhaps that’s bugging me too, because honestly, it’s really difficult going it alone.

I know.

So, what’s a girl to do?

I just keep my life moving… For one, I’m back to my metal work again. Finally after a year and a half, I spent last Saturday morning with Hugh. The first two hours we caught up on our lives and compared notes on some reference sculptures. We both continuously look to other artists for a source of inspiration and ideas and enjoy discussing the various concepts.

The last hour of our morning, I started welding a piece from some cast off metal I had been saving. The design is nothing too serious, but I felt like I just needed to start simple and get my feet wet again. I’m using this one to refresh my memory on the settings and techniques of using the big MIG! As in welder that is. Then I’ll move on to something a bit more serious. In fact, I need to start thinking of a design and I need to find some scrap metal! You know, car parts, plumbing parts, anything at all. So if you have any discarded metal, call me!

Other than that, the rest of my spare time is spent working on my house, making it my nest. And it’s getting really cozy! Thankfully, I’ve had a lot of help from my sister Libby. I love coming home from work to see what she’s tackled! She has unboxed tons of stuff and put it away, she’s painted nearly every wall, and she has hung a few pictures here and there. Not to mention all the furniture and rugs she has schlepped around! She treats it as her place which is just fine by me! In fact, it almost seems more her place now than mine.

So that’s right, I continue to press forward and fill my days! Last week I went to a bereavement group at a local church. It was OK, with exception that when it was finally my turn to introduce myself I could barely speak.

I know.

Really? Me?

Yes me!  I told them “my story” in between breathless sobs. I’m not sure I’ll go back.

I know.

But, I don't think I can...

Does this grieving ever end?  Probably not! I’m guessing this is just my life from now on.  Days filled with moments of normalcy interlaced with shock waves of grief.

I know...

Grief sucks!