It's overwhelming.
My garage is a mess. My bedroom is a mess. So is my desk. So is my attic room. I also need to put away the piles of pandemic mask making supplies that have taken over my house for the last six months.
I have plenty to do. But I can't seem to get myself out of this funk. Yesterday I stayed in bed until noon.
Do you ever have days like this?
I rarely do. I am typically positive and happy, but when I get "down,” it's not good. This is my second day of feeling this way and I know I will kick myself next week for wasting so much precious time.
The saddest thing about these rare bouts of melancholia is the reaction I get from others. When someone reaches out to me in despair I literally drop everything. I fly to their side to be with them and listen and offer to help. I have done this a million times in my life. But it's funny that with all of my hundreds of "friends" I do not always find comforting shoulders. Perhaps it’s because hearing such sadness from someone like me, someone who is normally so positive and upbeat is just too hard for others to bear. I don't know. But it's an interesting observation.
It's especially hard when you finally get the nerve to tell someone how you are feeling and your cries for help are ignored. It takes courage to share such feelings.
Today, I finally reached out to two different individuals and candidly told them I am having a hard time. Their reactions were similar. One had stopped by my home for a few minutes to pick up something. In a split second she responded by dashing to her car with ”Oh I’ve got to run; let’s get together next week.”
An hour later, I texted someone else. Turns out she was having a bad day too. Then she simply dropped off the radar screen.
No wonder suicide is such a serious problem in this country.
You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and yet feel so all alone. It seems we have more empathy for famous figures and complete strangers than for people we actually know.
So sad. So dangerously sad.
So, what am I doing about it? I am handling this as I always have by putting my feelings into words. I know that by writing this down it will motivate me to bust out of this bad mood today. I really want to tackle my garage and hope to get myself out there at least for a little while to make a dent in that mess. Maybe if I just get started with one small section at a time it will lift me up and out of this melancholy mood.
For now, I am OK and I was right. Putting this into words has helped.
Tomorrow is another day.
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